What the Hell was that?

You probably missed my only acting performance. It was considered a “for one night only” gig. I am not sure if I can handle the stress of my role again.

An experienced actor probably knows how to prepare for a role. I thought that I was preparing for the role by rehearsing my line. By the way, I finally found out what my line was in English. My Chinese line translated to English was “It is Thundering…It is Raining…Get your clothes”. In case you’re thinking about being an actor, I have the following lessons learned…….

First lesson – know your venue.
I have been rehearsing my line in my home and at the office during lunch. At work during lunch, it consisted of walking 5 feet – saying my line – and walking away 5 feet. But I didn’t realize that the play was going to be on a regular stage in a banquet hall. Walking 30 feet isn’t an issue but it is a surprise when you have been planning to walk 5 feet. Another shock was that I had to wear a microphone. Again, not an issue if one would have planned for it; but it did look odd to have a headset on a bald head.

Second – Know your audience.
When I heard that the company was having a New Year’s celebration I just ASSUMED it was for the salary workforce. WRONG! Salary and hourly were present. Over 1,300 people were present that night. Nothing like uttering your first Chinese line to your closest 1,300 friends.

Third – Know who you follow.
If you remember from my previous post, I mentioned that I had a twirl drum that I was to play as I walked across the stage before I said my line. That was no issue and it was a good prop and aid. I actually taped my three words to the drum head in case I came down with a serious case of stage fright. What I wasn’t prepared to deal with was the previous act; which was actually the show’s opening act. The show opened with a traditional Chinese drum performance. I think there were probably 12 drummers beating their skins in festive outfits. It was very impressive and exciting. The drums were loud. They had one large bass drum that its size would have competed with Purdue’s Bass Drum (The World’s Largest). The show ended, the drums were quickly removed, and it was show time! The hall quiets down from the exciting opening drum act and here comes the monk (me) onto stage playing his 4” twirling drum. I remember chuckling to myself as I was walking that I felt like a 7th grader showering with the 12 graders in High School. I felt a wee bit inadequate with my prop.

Fourth – Enjoy the show
I remember walking across the stage twirling my drum. I sort of remember looking out at the 1,300 employees in the hall. I remember looking at the words on my prop but I don’t think I read them, I think I actually remembered the lines but looked at the prop so I didn’t have to look at the huge audience. As I was saying my line, I remember wondering if my microphone was turned on. I finished and walked towards the side of the stage to strike my pose. Within my first two steps after my line I heard a huge response from the audience. I was surprised – I heard huge laughter after I finished my line. My microphone must have been on. I must have said the line correctly because people responded. If they didn’t understand my then they would have sat there silent. I kept thinking it was a success.

When the play was over I couldn’t remember how I did. It was all a blur. I can only remember the details from looking and photos and videos that people had taken during the show.

The Celebration in general
The show lasted 2-3 hours. Must of it was performances by the different functional staff’s in the company. There were singers, dancers, and musical performers. I was very impressed by the participation of the workforce. My admin, Mina, was one of the shows three MC’s. She looked stunning in her formal gown and stage make-up. She was so good at being an MC. She seemed to be a natural but I can’t give a fair opinion since the show was entirely in Chinese but the words seemed to flow out of her mouth very well.

The show was actually the company’s annual New Year’s celebration. This year’s party was also the company’s 10 year anniversary.

The show ended with the traditional Chinese dragons coming through the mass of people and eventually going on stage. This country is very proud of its tradition and heritage. The actual Chinese New Year is the week of February 18th. I was talking to another expat the other night and he said the New Year’s celebration is CRAZY. The fireworks start early and go all night. He said last year the fireworks, which could be seen from our housing complex, had a 2 ½ hour grand finale.


The title of my blog is from one of my all-time favorite jokes.
A man who has never acted before decided that he wanted to become a Thespian. He tried out for a small part in a major production. His role was of a Sentinel in Roman times. His line that he had to remember was “Hark, I hear the cannons roar!”

He rehearsed very hard. He wanted this role. He had his try-out and the director liked him. He gave him the part but he was to be an understudy. But, fortunately, the following day the main actor was injured and could not perform. The director called and said that he must fly immediately to California to take the lead role for the night’s show. The actor-to-be was excited. He hurriedly packed while practicing his line. On the 4 hour flight to California he kept reciting his line “Hark, I hear the cannons roar” to the woman sitting next to him. He felt confident. He landed and was quickly hauled away to the venue. They rushed him to the dressing room. As all the assistants were dressing him he kept practicing his line “Hark, I hear the cannons roar”.

Now it was time. The director told him to walk on stage and wait for his cue. The man walks to center stage. The cannon let off a gigantic BOOM. The actor jumps up and turns to the source of the noise and said “What the hell was that?”