Repatriation - Announcing You Are Leaving

One of the harder decisions is to decide when to tell everyone you are leaving. Not too early, but not too late. And I suppose it is the same effort when we came here, except for telling family. Of course, that was a part of the decision and action as well, when to officially tell our family that we were really coming home. Before we could do that, we had to mentally get there ourselves. Tom has loved working here and would have loved to stay. Natalie did not want to talk about repatriating at all. I could go either way.


And telling people you are leaving is not the same as saying goodbye. Every notification comes with a "I'll see you again before I go" response. You know you are putting off the inevitable, but it seems right. The people you need to share your decision ranges from people at school, your ayi, your driver, your favorite bartenders. The waitress at Blue Frog who always gets the drink order wrong. The members of the Filipino bands that you think you will miss, but you won't. Lucy, who made the best clothes at the market. The fake market has it whole set of special people to visit. The shoe store where the girl is best at tracking down your size and color; Jackie, your bag guy, whose sister is still in jail due to getting caught selling fake L.V.; Juli who sold you Tommy Bahama when people still wore Tommy Bahama; Maggie who insists that paying 500RMB for a silk robe is a cheap price; DiDi and her sons who will sell you shoe bags, pashminas, scarves, and the occasional set of silk coasters; and the rest of the characters that have acted as your guides through this surrogate American Mall. Can't forget Susie and Julia. For all the jewelry I never needed. 


For me, the effort to tell people I was leaving was actually hardest of all. Because in reality, I won't be back. Most of the people I've known will disappear. Just like any other time I have changed the course of my life. However, this seems different because I have never had such a large contingent of people acting as my specially curated community. The community I built for coping and getting along in a world away from what I knew. I placed individuals and groups into this community, and though some were swept away along the journey, many have become what I used to think of as family. I look for their smiles or maybe their frowns. Their good English or their terrible Mandarin. Now most of them feel transparent to me. I tell them I am leaving and they look beyond to the next American expat who can fill the void. I am ok with that though. If this wasn't case, could I leave? Maybe not...

Dear Shanghai,
I just found out I am leaving. Don't worry, I plan on coming back. It's not goodbye, I have time yet. Just letting you know this might be the 2nd to last time you see me...
Shelly

Repatriation: From Decision to Buying a House

Our decision to repatriate was not a surprise. Every year since 2006 we have discussed the opportunity to stay or go. Same company or different company. Same circumstances or different circumstances. Natalie firmly said STAY. Tom felt STAY on most days though you could catch him after a hard day at work and he would change to a GO. I could have gone either way. As a family we had agreed that me not working (at a paying job doing something I am actually skilled at) was something that needed to change. I tried starting my own consulting company, but quickly realized that planting the seed of "entrepreneur" in a generally risk-adverse individual required significant care and growing time. Alas, this spring indicated the maturing time for self-employment was going to be longer than required to justify us staying in China. So that eliminated the opportunity to consider any "local" packages. 


I know from talking to other families that this "stay or go" decision will typically be determined by how ingrained into the local lifestyle you have really become. So living in a villa with all the amenities, having an Ayi to help with everything, having an awesome educational experience for your children, all was outweighed by the desire to keep Tom employed. And once you know there is more than a 50% chance of repatriating, the scale shifts quickly to GO. You don't want to be that family that decides to STAY but then finds out two weeks before the end of the school that STAY = TERMINATED. So, we decided to GO. Natalie refused to speak about GO until a month or so before our move date. I built a Plan with all of the things that needed done. Then I made a Shanghai Bucket list with all the things I wanted to do/buy/see before I left. We told family. We told friends. We settled into the idea of returning to a place we knew and people we remembered.


After the Decision was made to GO, you quickly realize you need a place to live. the company would fly us back for a "look-see" trip so we could LOOK at houses and hopefully SEE one we could live in. If we had kept a house, this trip would be easy. But we didn't. So we had a clean whiteboard and decided to focus on finding a school for Natalie. Truth be told, she was the reason for the cohesion in the first place! The opportunity for her to experience life outside of the US, to have an international school experience, for her to spend time with me since I took a break from working, all of those things were a primary driver behind coming. So of course, we had a great responsibility to ensure that all of those benefits were not undone when we returned. So we picked a few school districts in the Dayton area that seemed the right fit. I am sure that every returning child offers a unique set of considerations. For Natalie, it is all about teacher and faculty attention, which partially translates to student to teacher ratios, but not exactly. The other consideration was finding a home which accommodate, at least partially, care after school. I plan on going back to work so we will have to figure out what she is going to do every day after school. And really, that was it. We don't have other demands such as test score achievement or academic success in general, though these two outcomes seem to support the first need in terms of teacher attention. All of this research was easily supported by my Plan as it was simply information in, decisions out. My kind of project.


So once settled on the school options, we started on the house search. Our second criteria for a home, was somewhere that allowed us to have/build a sense of community. Not so easy in Dayton area since it is basically all suburbs. But we used general guidelines such as distance to school, commute time, walkability scores, etc. to fine-tune our house search. This is not easy from thousands of miles away. Thank goodness for the internet! Don't misunderstand me, the internet did NOT lead us directly to the house we bought [or perhaps current tense is better here, so buying], but it did help us with the selection process. What houses are selling for, what do they look like, how long is it taking, does the neighborhood have lots of houses for sale and why. Using the internet we were able to build a short-list of homes that we wanted to look at further. We primarily used Zillow, though we also used local resources such as Trulia or the Dayton Area Board of Realtors. But I personally like the Zillow apps for the Android (kindle fire) and iPad. The only thing missing from all the apps and websites was a way to track houses and a ranking for them. We did that offline in a spreadsheet. When looking at a property on the internet, we would score the potential from 1-5 with 5 being the "Have to See". By the time of our look-see trip to the US, we had about 30 total homes scored from 5 to 3 we could give the Realtor. We had made comments about what was appealing about the property and the potential drawbacks. The Realtor was able to discern our needs (generally) from looking at the list. I think this made the whole process much more efficient and was really the only way we were able to find a house so quickly. Who knew the Plan was going to move along so nicely? I did have to add some detail around the actual arrival back home, such as buying a car, getting Natalie enrolled in school, public library cards, etc. The Plan was shaping up quite nicely!


We flew in on Saturday, looked at houses Sunday and Monday, re-looked at our favorites on Tuesday, and put an offer out on Wednesday. Then back to Shanghai to figure out what we just did! Everyone thinks that finding a house in such a short time is nearly impossible. But it wasn't that bad. I think it has to do with the way American's think of housing. But I won't digress here on that and instead will just summarize by stating that we did not feel the need to buy above or even at our means. We were not looking for a house we loved because we realize that a house is just a place to hang your 127 pictures and art pieces and a mantle for your 7 Buddha heads. As long as there is room for that new dining table and chairs I had made here, we are good! [Tom would require full disclosure on my part so I will state here that one house we really liked had to be eliminated due to the fact that my new table would NOT fit into the dining area. Though I consider this more a flaw of the house rather than my buying habits!]


So, we found the house. It turned out to be the first house we looked at. It was not even really on the market yet and so was never on our list. We didn't love it per se, but it met all our criteria, required little improvement and was "move-in" ready, was in a convenient location, and the price was right. Done. Oh, except that we found out the roof needed to be replaced. But we found out while at the airport waiting to leave. I'll not digress to share the whole story, but will summarize by saying we bought the house BUT will need to replace the roof in the next few years. Then there was the paperwork to buy a house. We had to close from Shanghai. Which meant going to the US Consulate to get some papers notarized. And at $50 a notarization for a total of $300, I realize that instead of going back to the US, I should have become a Notary Public and set up shop here. So we went the US Consulate, signed our mortgage papers, and overnight-ed them back to the Title Agency. The Title Agency then contacted us to let us know that, oops, they had missed one form to be notarized. So, they emailed them and we trekked back to the US Consulate, hoping we could just get the one paper signed and not the whole stack. Which they did. So another $50 and we were done. [We are currently waiting for the actual closing which will be the week of June 11.]  What about the Plan you ask? How did we adapt the schedule? Well, I actually started consider the result if we stopped using the Plan. How could I possibly think that I could identify all the things that had to be done to get three people out of China and back to the US?


By the time we returned from our home visit, the impact of our decision to repatriate had settled into my consciousness. It had really just hovered around my subconscious before, appearing only when discussing houses with Tom or talking to Natalie about public schools. The reality was frankly, a bit overwhelming. As ready as you might think you are to accept a major life change, it can gnaw at you while you are sleeping and impact your decision making ability for simple things, like where to eat dinner. You get caught up thinking things like "We should go try new places before we leave" or "This might be the last time we eat here." Then there were relatively simple activities I needed to do like find the Ayi a new family. But that has turned out to be one of the most complicated. And it's still not finished. Seeing that activity on my list every day and not seeing how I was ever going to successfully complete it left me dismayed. And so, I abandoned the Plan that I had determined would be my own personal salvation. I hadn't been able to keep it up to date anyway, instead of doing what I though I should be doing, I was busy doing things I had to do like deciding if replacing the house on the roof was important enough issue to abandon the house and buy another one. And trying to find replacements for Skipper and Gilligan (our two Terracotta Warriors) as they had deteriorated to the point of not being able to be packed and shipped. I guess my point is that there was not a whole lot of value in feeling good about checking activities off the plan. It just made me feel like there was a whole lot of other things I wasn't doing or even knew I should do. 


Which brings me to the conclusion that learning to adapt is the most useful skill we teach our children.  That concept brings some things full circle for me personally. A big part of the decision to come here was to give myself a break from the work stress that was resulting from the premise of my career being the most important thing in my life. It wasn't, it isn't. So I sat that career aside for a while, then I tried it again, and set is aside one more. And now I am prepared to try it yet again. Along the way I have had to adapt my own personal definition about what a career is and what role it plays next to Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, and Friend. I am not sure I have completely figured that out yet. However, recognizing it needs to adapt is a step in the right direction. We have a home in a community and we have friends and family awaiting our arrival. The home stage is set and we begin the new life in 11 days. 

Repatriation: The Plan

I have decided I should be blogging to help keep my sanity during our repatriation from China back to the U.S. Consider it a comedic look at the CLASH of two very different cultures. If it works, and I keep my sanity, well, that is a bonus!

Everyone says that sometimes the repatriation is harder than expatriation. In our case, I will have to agree. Selling a home was easier than buying a home. Giving up work was easier than going back. Moving to Shanghai with a 4 year old was/is easier than moving to the US with an almost 10 year old.  But I am getting ahead of myself. The repatriation all started with a plan...

Repatriation is process just like anything else. You can manage it like a project, just like implementing a new system or building a house. You can, but you won't. (oops, that might have been a spoiler!). All families who repatriate share a common experience:

1. Decision: The company decides that they can longer "afford" expatriate services OR the trailing spouse finally puts their foot down and announces "Enough is enough. I want to go back!". Or in our case, Tom's favorite hole-in-the-wall bar closed.
2. Prepare living arrangements in home country: If you kept your house, then you give notice to any "renter" that you will be returning. If you don't have a home, you will get 24 hours in your return location to find and buy a place to deliver all of the junk you will be bringing back with you (see #8 below).
3. Announce to everyone you leaving. This includes schools, friends, ayis, drivers, landlords. don't forget hairdressers, favorite fake market vendors, the Filipino bands you have somehow come to adore, the local Jewelry vendor who makes you jewelry you will never wear but need to buy.
4. Pack: You cannot believe the stuff you bought 5 years ago. And you will have insight into the HOARDER you have become. Oh, and thanks for leaving a few very hidden white elephant gifts on that bookcase!
5. Exit to home Country: Probably it would be best if you just keep circling the earth time travelling until you reach the point where your adaptation had not yet reached the "edit undo" point or the plane's toilets fill up (which will happen before you reach that former condition!)
6. Arrive in home country: Haul your 27 bags per person through customs indicating you are repatriating from a third-world country which explains why you have 12 unused deodorant bottles, 35 Pashminas, enough green tea to get your through finding a new source, Christmas bracelets for friends for the next 6 years, and two Chinese Fu Dogs you bought after packing but couldn't live without. No, you are not importing spices, that box of douchin(豆豉) was for the airplane meals.
7. Culture Shock: This continues until you begin to question what nationality you really are. You end up with the cable you said you would not get, driving to the Starbucks two blocks away, and eating Taco Bell again. Your guilt from these transgressions eats away at your resolve to be that better person you thought you could be.
8. Unpacking: This step also continues until you begin to question your sanity in accumulating ALL THIS STUFF.
9. Settling In to Americana: This is the one step where you are now in control of your destiny and can define your own story. An opportunity to use all the bad experiences to form a new, smaller footprint, less materialist, community-oriented family.

I originally had a plan to deal with each one of these steps. I used a few tools, but settled into a combination of Excel and Evernote. I had about 130 activities in Excel, most with dates. I documented the names of all the contacts for relocation, I started researching houses on Zillow in the city we were moving back to, and then we got to step #2. And I threw away the plan. Well, actually, I did refer to it a couple of times subsequent to the 4 weeks of jet lag that the resulted from our house hunting trip. Generally speaking, I abandoned it. Not out of desire to approach something this important willy-nilly, but because trying to manage such a personally impacting event proved too difficult for me. When a task needed to be handles with precision and authority, I found myself instead agreeing to go to lunch with friends or visiting a place I had not yet seen. An email that needed to be sent to clarify a move-related question was sent late or not at all due to my desire to maximize time doing activities that I would not be able to do when in the US, such as elbowing my way to the food scales at Carrefour. I have no rational explanation for this poor Project Management behavior. Though perhaps it was a way of managing the risk associated with the mental stress that accompanies a repatriation. Yes, that sounds intelligent and unavoidable, so let's call it that: Repatriation-traumatic stress disorder (RTSD). So clearly I was simply participating in alternative activities to help reduce the potential impact of RTSD.

My point in relaying this "throwing out the plan" phenomena is to emphasize that repatriation makes individuals abandon their normal behaviors. Not just abandon, as normal behaviors become almost poisonous when trying to cope with the idea of leaving a place you learned to be a part of. This is different than when we came, because we had always been American and we never attempted to be anything else (except maybe French while visiting St. Martin for 5 days). And we knew we would return to live there someday, so there was no need to grieve or feel regrets for the America we left behind. Anyone who reads about Third Culture Kids know that kids will create their own third culture from the recipe of combining their home and host cultures. Adults are disadvantaged in that this recipe does not result in a third culture at all. I feel like it I do when I have tried to make bread: too much flour or too much water, doesn't rise enough, or too much. For me at least, the two cultures are too incompatible to make something confortable to live in. So instead, we mentally prepare for living back in the US by abandoning most of the culture here in China. the peculiar challenge is to find the parts of myself and the rest of the family that have truly been changed and then find a way of accommodating that in the US. Off the top of my head I know that includes Community, my personal walkability score, and rice cakes.  Reinvention of sorts. I am holding on to that thought for now as it is my cup-half-full view.

So where are we in the process? We are at the packing step. But more on that AFTER I locate the elusive head to the new TerraCotta Warrior that these guys are building a custom crate for...

In Nothing We Trust

Tom made it back ok yesterday! We unloaded his suitcases, which contained a few treats for all of us. American girl gifts for Natalie (thanks Gammaw), new Nine West boots for me (thanks, errr, well, thanks Visa), some Halloween candy including candy corn, and cycling shoes for Tom. Plus bounce, Neosporin, 12 boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, and other daily necessities. Of course if you have seen Tom's Facebook comment, his mega size bottle of Shout was confiscated at the Dayton airport. Apparently it can be used as an explosive device. Basically they are saying that Shout is like carrying gasoline in your luggage.

Unpacking made me reflect a bit on life as an expat. Specifically our way of accumulating "stock" items which we deem critical to survival! In the US, I used to get excited about receiving a gift of Argentinian wine occasionally (thanks Jorge!) or French wine (thanks David!). If we travelled to St. Martin, we'd bring back a bottle of flavored rum. When visiting Florida, we always returned with shells. Oh, and the wine I had shipped from Napa? When we travelled, we bought tokens of our trip, not commodities. None of which were deemed critical to my survival. But somehow our survival skills kicked in when it came to the idea of a partially empty suitcase traveling through the myriad of security checks on it's way back to China. Doesn't seem to matter where we are traveling from, as long as it isn't China. Now when traveling to Thailand we load up on Tiger Balm and Skeetolene mosquito repellent. In Singapore, there's a store where I can buy WD40, a Gap, and an organic Grocery store. In Hong Kong, we spend hours looking in the bookstores at children books (bookstores are 90% English. thank you British Empire...). The funny thing is, a lot of what we buy, bring back, and hoard, can be found in China. But we have all learned to assume there is a bit of "fakeness" in everything. At least we assume there is a potential for cheating. So, we source from other locations.

Why is this interesting? This concept of ensuring that your family has everything it needs to survive did not manifest due to some health issue or lack of food to eat. It arose from the concept of an empty suitcase and the knowledge that you CAN bring back 7 boxes of Apple Jacks and 2 jars of Peanut butter. I believe it is rooted in the real need to retain some sort of connection back to the culture that most of us feel we have abandoned. Heck, most Americans can't verbally define our cultural when pressed for it. It has always been hard to describe our American culture to someone who is not American. Connecting to this elusive set of American values and sophisticated society through the ability to locate, procure, and obtain breakfast cereal is a uniquely American cultural identity. That identity is wrapped up in the idea of "trust". The concept that Americans are not very trusting. This value seems to be even more obvious here in China where we are living in a society that is built on a strong net if implicit trust. The whole concept of Guanxi requires a high level of trust. The Chinese friends we have trust us for who we are and what we might be able to bring to the the relationship. I believe that those of us who have been here a while, learned to accept this behavior and some people even thrive in it. I feel our family has adapted in in many cases are in fact thriving. I rarely feel the need to immediately pay back debts. Though this may be more rooted in my "frugality" values ( think this sounds nicer than calling me a cheapskate"), I'd like to believe is due in part to my adaptation to another culture. However, this transformation goes out the window when we are putting together our U.S. Shopping list.

So while our experience here has afforded us some Level of cultural adoption, it is clear that commodity hoarding is not something that most American expatriates will be giving up soon.It's just a matter of time before one of us shows up on A&E's Hoarders. The up side to this is that most trailing spouses are fully equipped to land a great job in Supply Chain Management upon return to the land of Cheap Cereal!

First Day of New Job for Shelly

Today was my first day of work at Roche Diagnostics Shanghai Limited. Yes, I have finally gotten my lazy self back to the grindstone. I am helping Roche start up a PMO within the Shanghai business area. I came upon this opportunity through a friend's husband (xiexie Mike!) and was lucky enough to be qualified for it. I have known for a few months that I really needed to get back to work. Not that I was not having fun with my friends, but I came pretty quickly to the realization that I was not ready to give up my career permanently and so I felt I needed to take any good opportunities seriously. Ideally I would have gone part-time, but that didn't work out this time.

My office is in Puxi on HuaiHai Lu. That is pretty far from Pudong. This morning Tom had to fly to India so I am lucky enough to have the driver available these first few days. So this morning, I dropped Natalie at the gate to catch her bus and headed on the long ride to work. Right before we crossed the Nangpu bridge, a car slightly brushed our van. Man, was Zhong Biao pissed! He told me later that the other driver was newly licensed and didn't know anything about how to drive. So of course after the van was hit, he put the van in the park right there in the middle of the bridge entrance and started arguing with the other driver. Too funny! In the U.S. you would exchange insurance, take a picture and be on your way. These two guys argued about how much the other guy needed to pay. Zhong Biao wanted 800 RMB. But he ended up settling for 600 RMB. It was just so funny to watch the exchange. We had one and a half of the two lanes blocked for at least 15 minutes before they pulled to a median. It took a total of about 20 minutes to resolve since the Police showed up. Which meant that I was 5 minutes late to my first day of work! Ta da. How to really impress your new company on the first day of work: be late! But it turned out to be no big deal as HR was still making some final tweaks to my final contract terms. Of course I feel bad now about the car and feel like I need to pay the 200 difference. Though later this evening when I looked at the mark, I could barely even see a scratch!!! Such is life here in Shanghai...

When I got home, the house was totally clean, the Ayi cooked my dinner, and then picked up all the dishes. Needless to say, that made transitioning back to work WAY easier than it would have been in the states. I did have to spend most of last week working with the Ayi to transition cooking responsibilities! Of course in reality she is probably a better cook them me, so I really have no worries there. In fact, Tom is excited about eating Chinese more nights during the week. Natalie usually dictates our meal content, but I have decided that she too must learn to adapt her palate. And Natalie behaved well for the Ayi which I guess I expected though 5 year-olds are very good at MANIPULATION. Just ask her grandparents...

Well, I am pretty tired, so I guess I better get this posted and up to bed. More to come....

One Week Back - a Short Theosophy

So, one week back in Shanghai. Got to see most of my friends back here already. Natalie is finally adjusted to the time change. And I got to exercise again. Back to NORMAL? Maybe. I had intentionally scheduled this week with a lot of down time so I could take my time getting back into the rhythm of life here. But I really spent more time considering the pluses and minuses of my first home visit. I have talked a bit with my friends here and realize that when you go home, every one's lives, including your own, continue to move on. But the lives we chose to live here in another country seem to put us on a very different path. So when you go home you find that the commonality you had before is harder to re-establish. Don't get me wrong, it is wonderful to see your family and friends. Catching up is just a bit different when you know you will separate again to lead dissimilar lives.

Maybe that all sounds negative, but really it is not. It was just insightful to learn about what has happened to me over the past year. If I judge myself against who I used to be, then I feel that I have come quite far. I set some personal goals for myself before I came and I have realized many of them. Not ready to share them here, but hopefully if you know me it is noticeable!

Well, gotta get ready for Mandarin class. That is my latest focus. I want to try to get "Conversational"!

Return to Reality OR Back in Shanghai

Natalie and I just returned from the U.S. What a LLLLOOOONNNNGGGG trip! We arrived in Chicago on Dec 17 and left Tampa on Jan 17. I have decided NOT to blog the entire trip. It would take forever and probably not that interesting. However, I am going to hit the highlights (which sometimes are actually low lights). Oh, and one of my New Year's resolutions was to be a bit more timely on this blog, so please check back and send me an email if I don't keep that!

Trip Highlights

• After arriving in Chicago, we had to drive south on U.S. 41 to my parent's house in Indiana. The rental car was packed with luggage and poor Natalie had to sit in the backseat squished next to the bags that wouldn't fit into the trunk. And it was really cold. About 45 minutes into the drive Natalie started to complain about having a tummy ache. I finally climbed in back and held her on my lap (yes, we didn't have a cars seat). About 10 minutes later, she said "Mommy, I think I am going to throw up" and then immediately she threw up! Trying to help, I held my hand over her mouth to catch it and just ended up getting it all over her face. When we finally pulled over, Natalie and I had it all over us. But, we stripped her and got some clean clothes on her, cleaned the coat in the snow on the side of the road, and climbed into the front seat. Luckily I had grabbed a cloth bag and emptied it in case of another emergency, which came about 15 minutes later! Poor thing! But, she survived. We got her to my parents and cleaned up!
• I slept in 9 different locations in with 16 location changes (some were back and forth).
• We had a wonderful time with all of our family. Lots of time with friends too!
• Taco Bell, which I had been craving since before I left from Shanghai, was the biggest disappointment. I guess that is a good thing.
• The real Mexican food and Skyline were NOT disappointments!
• We played Wii for the first time. What a trip! Natalie one time bowled a 177. Tom knocked me out in boxing in about 30 seconds. Diane Schrimpf and I boxed until we were both totally sweating!
• Met some friends in Indy for a great one-night sleepover. Julie shared some GREAT news (sorry, not for public consumption) and had a great steak at St. Elmo's.
• Ended up with a dent in my rental car bumper. Never noticed until a day before I dropped it off. We think it happened while parked at a restaurant. Will have to wait and see what that ends up costing me!
• Took a trip to Sanibel Island in Florida with my girlfriends. What happens on Girl's Trip NEVER GETS BLOGGED...
• Natalie made a couple of snowmen in Indiana. Nice to see the snow!
• Everyone saw their doctors. All is good with all of us. Tom's physician was very proud of him for losing 43 lbs!
• Observed that the U.S. has much better looking military dudes!
• Spent New Year's with Natalie, Tom, and my parents at Hooter's!
• Natalie had three Christmas': One in West Lafayette, on in Fowler, and a final one here in Shanghai after we returned home last night.
• Helped my friend Julie paint at her new house. She had me working for my room and board. I stayed at her place while I was in Dayton.
• Went and saw the World Famous Lippizzaner Stallions
• And finally, we ended the trip the way it started. Natalie threw up on the airplane on the way home. Just before we landed. She was complaining about a sore tummy. Went to the bathroom three times, but then the fasten seat belt came on for our landing. So, she had to use a big Ziploc that I had packed (luckily) into my carry on. Again, poor thing! She said afterwards "I don't look like I throwed up, do I?"

So, that is it. I really missed Shanghai. I was glad to see everyone in the U.S., but we really have made this our home now. Oh, and sleeping in my own bed was a huge luxury last night!

An Online THANKS to My Artistic Friend DIANA TULLIO

A year ago I found out that one of my best friends had an artist inside of her hiding! Julie, Kim, and I found the artist peeking out during a tattooing session in our hotel room during our trip to Monterrey last year. I was fooling around and asked for a tattoo of a bull on the back of my neck. Don't ask how much wine we had before I asked this. Read the whole description of the trip here, but check out the drawing I got on the back of my neck! It took several days to wash away. Then the artist hid again and we didn't hear from her again until the night before I was leaving Dayton. I received a wonderful pencil drawing that Diana had drawn. Well, I got see it electronically as the weather was too bad for Diana to make it in to Julie's that night. It was so good! In case you don't see it well, it is a picture of the Bramers (Tom, Shelly, and Natalie) with the Shanghai skyline in the back. And she had a card as well. The card reads:
Good-Bye... Sigh
Tom and Shelly and Natalie
have decided to leave the country.
They have packed their bags, and checked the nooks and crags
while racing about town frantically.

We have been planning our good-byes
amongst regrets and heartfelt sighs.
Except for some weirdo parent,
the Bramer's will leave with no apparent
need for anything but smiles and dry eyes.

Shelly gave notice at the old salt mine.
Then we drank all of Bill and Jeanne's wine.
A zillion lunches have come and gone, and
We have taken all occasions to "tie one on"!
Who will ever replace Shelly's penchant to dine?!

They will return some day.
We hope to visit them while they are away.
to go to China to live
is an opportunity not many would give,
so we will talk virtually and say...

Have a wonderful time in Shanghai!
We will miss you.
All our love,
5 Sisters

It definitely made me teary-eyed! (we had promised no tears). I finally received my drawings and card in one of the "care packages" that my wonderful friends sent me. Along with the Shanghai picture, Diana also crafted a "Shelma" picture for me based on the Velma character in the Scooby Doo series. Don't ask for an explanation that! I was so touched. I wanted to have them framed so that I could hang them up. I decided to go with over-the-top frames, but frankly I think they turned out beautifully! I am going to hang up the Bears somewhere in the living room. The Shelma will probably need to go in our bedroom. Tom thinks it is a little, well, weird, to have this picture hanging where we can see it in bed, but I think it is fitting! Oh, and besides the beautiful artwork, I also received a book of Haiku that Diana wrote with pictures from our California trip. Very impressive! One of my favorites is:

Big Sur - Part 2
Walk-a-bout rising
Surf and cliffs integrated
Heat, breeze, misty trail


I want to Diana to know how special her gifts are to me. On the occasion that I am having a Shang"low" day, I can look at the pictures and remember the great times I have had with my friends and how many we will have in the future. I have had a lot of opportunity to think about my life as it was up to this point and I more

clearly understand and appreciate

the role I have played with my friends and family up to this point. More importantly, I value the support that you get from a good set of friends, even if the miles

between them are great.

So, enough of my melancholy. A final shout out to Julie, Kim, Diane, and Diana. I love you and I miss you tons, but we are BFF and that is special!

First Day with Ayi

Well, our Ayi started today. Tom would probably say that I let it stress me out a little. And he is probably right. Who would have thought that a small-town girl from Indiana would someday be hiring someone to clean, cook, and babysit for our house full-time WHILE I wasn't working? Certainly not my mother. But I would have made mom proud as I worked alongside her for most of the day. I worked on scrubbing the baseboards which were gross. She kept telling me, "I do tomorrow" but what else was I going to do today? Anyway, she did a great job. Still can't pronounce her name right, but she has Natalie's down pat. Mainly she worked today on the main floor, though she did get the floors and all stairs vacuumed and mopped. It made me a lot more humble to have my hands in dirty water too, though to be honest, I probably would have taken nap after 4 hours! I had to go the full 6 today! Tomorrow I will probably not clean all day. I am adjusting better than I thought. Well, I am tired, better go hit the hay!

Domestic Help on the way

We successfully hired an Ayi! Her name is Zhang Cai Zhen. Don't worry, I can't pronounce her name either. She gave us a shorter name to call her, but I think that is even harder! Regardless, the search is over. She came to the house this morning and she and I struggled to communicate for almost 45 minutes. I was trying to explain how many hours we expected her to work. She wanted paid by the week, but we were quoting her a salary price by the month. Then I tried to explain babysitting. I had to get the Chinese dictionary out to find the word for her to read. Then she saw it and said "Oh, no problem" and made a sign for eating! Ah, the beauty of the "gesture" language used to get along here. And she actually speaks quite a bit of English for which we are going to pay for as she is a bit more expensive. But the cost is whole other thing that Tom and I agreed we would not post. Let's just say that hiring a full-time help costs less than my birthday dinner out with the girls! She is going to work 30 hours a week and then will also stay late if Tom and I go out in the evenings. She has worked for families for quite a few years. The family she was working for went back to the US this week. They also had a four-year old boy that she took care of. She has a son who is 22 and works outside of Shanghai. I was able to talk to another lady who liver here in Vizcaya who uses Cia Zhen for just one day a week, and she could not have been more complimentary. She said that she is a wonderful Ayi, very honest and dependable. I will post more when I know more and maybe some picture. Tom just asked me if I was going to get a job to pay for this. What a schmuck. Anyway, I will now be able to leave the house and shortly maybe even leave by myself! More to come next week after she starts.

Lookin' for Help Here in Shanghai

Almost 11 days have gone by since our last post! It has either been really busy or really boring. First things first, as you can see in the title, we (OK, really I) have decided that we have to hire some help to keep this house clean. Plus, we really need to find someone who can watch Natalie for an hour or two here and there. So late last week I started the search for an Ayi, which literally translated means "auntie" but is used to refer to domestic help here. This search has introduced the first amount of stress I have had since I got here. We had a cleaning service that came every two weeks, but never anything close to someone coming every day and doing all of our cleaning, laundry, etc. That loss of privacy is the most concerning aspect of this engagement. Many people here hire live-in Ayi's who live in the "Ayi-room" usually in the basement. THAT is definitely not in our future! There are generally Filipino and Chinese Ayi's available. those from the Philippines are typically looking for a live-in situation since it save them money. Chinese on the other hand will typically still live at their own home and have more flexible hours. Of course being the anal person I am, I wrote out a two page document on our expectations on how to clean. Tom was laughing at me, but I believe that some people feel they have trouble with the Chinese cleaning well, but I firmly believe that you just have to take the time to show them what our expectation is. In reality, our western view of how and what to clean is far different from the Chinese. Why would they have the same view of how to go about it when they don't have the same energy as a nation put into the cleaning of our homes, clothes, etc. I said in an earlier blog that I believed that our cleaning products are far superior to the Chinese brands. maybe that is because millions of women spent their youth watching "soap operas" and generally learning that CLEAN IS GOOD. Think about how many different brands of floor cleaners you have to chose from when you go to the grocery. Cleaning your home definitely falls higher in Maslow's Need Hierarchy as opposed to home and food! Anyway, I guess that is how I am justifying hiring help to meet one of my needs that is clearly a higher level than they normally prioritize their needs at. This level of philosophical self justification would make Nietzsche proud. Anyway, more to come on this topic!

Tom had a NCAA game pool this year, but the only participants were Tom, me, and Natalie! Natalie picked all of hers by color of the team. The crazy thing was that she was in first place until Purdue got beat in their 2nd game against Kansas! She picked Purdue to go all the way, which was better than Tom or I picked them. We are able to hear the games on the NCAA March Madness site. Not quite as nice as seeing the game on TV, but it works out OK. We also were able to hear the Women on Yahoo Sports. So being able to hear the games has softened the mileage between China and the U.S. though there is just nothing you can do about the 12 hour time difference. Tom was up this morning (Monday) at 3:45 a.m. listening to the Purdue game. Too bad on that one, at least Purdue gave them a good fight.

We had to buy a new vacuum this weekend. The one that was here when we moved in was not working correctly. So, we went to a Friendship department store in Hong Qiao to find a more 'western' option than was available at Carrefour. By 'western' that usually means Philips. Occasionally you see other home appliance brands such as T-Fal and KitchenAid but not that often and usually just one style. We ended up spending $350 on a vacuum! Geesh. And it doesn't even really have a rolling head on the front, just a brush that you have to push. I am not sure we should have spent as much, but oh well. It works! The store was running a special where they gave you back coupons depending on how much you spent. It took the sales girl, whose English was limited, 5 minutes to find somehow to explain how much the vacuum was really going to cost once we got our coupons back. She gave us a receipt for the vacuum which we took to the central cashier (one on each floor). We made our payment there and then she gave us a receipt to take to the coupon counter, which was one floor down. At this point, we did not have our vacuum in our possession. But, we figured there was some process we needed to go through to pick it up, so we were not too worried yet. I went down to the coupon table and they wrote down numbers into a ledger and counted out coupons worth 400 RMB (about $50). Then I had to sign my name next to the amount in the ledger. They gave me a receipt for the coupons which I took back to the cashier. She then gave us the receipt for the vacuum. But, we still didn't have the vacuum. We quickly asked her where to go, and she looked puzzled and pointed us back to the sales area where we picked out the vacuum. So, I took the receipt back and another girl took the receipt and placed it in a box. She pointed down the hall and went back to her station. I was starting to walk where she pointed when I finally saw the original sales girl coming down the aisle lugging a box. Our vacuum. She gave us a receipt and that was that. Except that now we had 400 RMB in coupons that needed to be used up. Natalie got a toy, Tom bought some power converters. We still have a 100 RMB Coupon, and we are not sure if it was only good that day or what. So I guess really the vacuum was only $300, that doesn't make me feel better. Besides, if I get my way, I won't be using it anyway! Weird....

First Full Week: Cleaning, Sleeping and Cooking

It is hard to believe that a week has gone by already. I was sitting this morning and thinking about how much our lives have changed in the past two months. This last week, for me at least, was the first time our new life really hit home. Up until I got here in Shanghai, I was so busy with the relocation details, it just felt like work! Everyone has asked me how I feel now that I am here, and until this morning, it was hard to define anything as very different. But now I know why Tom and I felt this was such a good opportunity for us. I feel like a totally different person in a lot of ways. Most of my daily life is now spent doing things I have never really had to have as a priority. And that feels very refreshing to me. Most of you know that a part of what drove us to this opportunity decision was to help keep me from burning out on my own career. Both Tom and I are driven by our careers, but I sometimes have a harder time separating the job from family. And with Natalie now, that seemed even harder to balance. So for everyone who is interested, after the first week at least, I truly feel this change is going to meet, and possibly exceed my expectations for what we wanted to accomplish as a family.

OK, enough about feelings! What I have really been spending my time doing is CLEANING and SLEEPING. Neither one is a past favorite of mine, but it does seem to be all I do. I also realized that this house is huge. I have only been to the top floor three times in the week I have been here. I noticed on the first day that Natalie's white socks were totally black by the end of the evening. Tom said you have to wear slippers or that is what happens. So, I started by scrubbing (with a brush, on my hands and knees, thank you very much) the kitchen and entry tiles. When you wake up at 2:00 am you have lots of extra time! Natalie was up too, so I figured what the hell, and I gave her a scrub brush too! So together we scrubbed dirt that seemed to have been here since the place was built. On a side note, this place was vacant quite a while, so that explains some of the accumulated dust. Observation #1: Cleaning supplies are not the same quality in China! I found this out pretty quickly trying to clean the floors with the bottle of Mr. Muscle Floor Cleaner. I wish I had a packed a bottle of Mr. Clean (hmmmm... think that Mr. Muscle was an imitation????). As I was on my knees scrubbing around the hand-made island that I love, I realized that they had built and stained the island in the kitchen and there was stain from that effort left all around the tile! Instead of wiping it up, they left it and it permanently colored the floor. That is so typical of some of the workmanship. I believe a lot has to with how fast some of this housing for expatriates (foreigners living and working in Shanghai) is having to go up. I saw in the local paper yesterday that Shanghai is planning on attracting another 20,000 expats over the next five years. Over the next few days, I ended up scrubbing the tile floors of the main rooms we use. But, I still have two bathrooms and the patios to get to. Besides the tile, we have lots of beautiful wooden floors. But let me explain about the dust here, it is everywhere and you cannot keep up! I swear, I can dust and by the end of the day, I see dust. So to be honest, I have been having Natalie use the big duster! She thinks she is helping (well, she is a little) and it keeps her busy. After the floors I have to move on to the baths, counters, drawers, etc. Whew. I know it sounds crazy, but I have always enjoyed that kind of cleaning. the deep cleaning I mean. What I hate is the dusting and toilet cleaning! Guess I better learn to like it or hire an Ayi - that is someone to help! I can see why people hire someone to help them with this stuff.

Besides cleaning, I have been sleeping. At the beginning of the week, I was waking up at 1am, then 2am, now 5am. Hopefully I will get to 7am soon! But, this past Tuesday I took a nap and it was one of those wonderful naps that you wake up and feel totally refreshed! That is when I started to sleeping to 5. Natalie was also waking up at 1 and 2! But now she is taking 4 hour naps and sleeping till 7am. So, I will say she has adjusted!

I went to the grocery story by myself on Wednesday night. So far, our trips to the grocery have resulted in interesting finds! I cannot find any tofu, but found cheddar cheese (that cost $4.50 for half a pound). There are hundreds of soy sauces. I tried to buy some vinegar, and I realized there are as many styles of that as there are soy sauces. China has many different regional cooking styles, just like the US. In Shanghai, the style usually includes lots of fresh seafood. You see a lot of pork but not a lot of chicken. Well, you do see a lot of chicken feet and pickled eggs. I was able to buy chicken breast, but haven't cooked it yet. A part of my goal here is to learn how to cook real Chinese. My plan is to take a class, but in the interim, I am really excited about experimenting with what I find at the market and can cook so that Natalie will at least try it. I plan on writing down some of the recipes and maybe will share with other intrepid expatriates who are hesitant to try to cook. I made my first "meal" on Monday. The pork I bought to prepare, which I think was pork loin, was delicious. I don't have much of a pantry, but that is what is makes it fun. I simply cut into strips and marinated in soy, garlic, and sesame oil. Then quickly stir-fried in a little olive oil. Oh, I forgot to add that the oil situation is interesting. Mostly corn oil is used in the cooking here, and it is sold in huge gallon containers. I opted to go the more healthy olive oil route and had to pay $10 for 16 oz. of a run-of-the-mill brand. And that was all I did. I had cilantro, but wasn't sure how to clean it, so I left it out. I served with plain "sticky rice" (it was actually pearl rice). Both Tom and Natalie liked so I take that as a win. You certainly can eat a lot healthier here. Last night I ventured into the soup realm with pork dumplings in a chicken soup. I added frozen mixed veggies. Again, simple, but pretty filling. Natalie wouldn't eat the dumplings, she said they tasted like spinach! Right. She eats rice and I usually make her a side of half a peanut butter sandwich which she can have AFTER she tries the new stuff. We stick to bananas and oranges for fruit right now. The bananas are imported, but cheap, and the oranges which are Chinese, are actually sweeter than home. They are much riper and juicier. You cannot find berries though. Well, you can buy some sad looking strawberries, but that's it. No frozen fruit either.

Well, I guess that pretty much sums up the first week. Today we are going to get our paperwork for our residence permits. Then we are going to go buy a bike with a child seat on it. Walking the 1/2 mile to the stores is healthy, but Nat's little legs get pretty tired by the time we head back. I have posted a picture of her this morning. I will post more about our other aspects of life later!

Made it to China!

All of us are in China now. Natalie and I had a great flight, considering it is 14 1/2 hours! Natalie didn't sleep until 8 hours into the flight. But she watched the Disney channel and played her L-Max (Leapster). (I highly recommend the L-Max as it is really good at keeping kids busy and I think she is learning from it too!) After she fell asleep, she slept hard until about 45 minutes before landing. I had a hard time waking her up at all! The only bad thing that happened was on the flight from Tampa to Chicago. Natalie spilled a cup of apple juice on her lap. Totally soaked her pants, shirt, and seat! We had to crowd into the bathroom and take her shirt off and put on her sweatshirt. We didn't change her pants as I wanted to save the spare in case something happened that wouldn't just dry! But, that was the worst thing. It was nice to fly in business class, the food and wine were good. Probably not worth the extra $6k, but since we weren't paying...

So we are here now and the first three days have been spent getting rested and getting acclimated to the new country. The compound we live in is really nice. But it is funny that for the first couple of days, I felt invisible. The few people I did see here inside the compound didn't even make eye contact! Surprising as most of them were Americans. You would think that in an area where you are a minority, making contact would be a priority! But then yesterday a few people said "hi". (Natalie was disappointed to discover that were actually NOT invisible!). Natalie has already been swimming! It is heated and she loves it. The only problem is that she was under the impression that was HER clubhouse. She seriously thought that when told her she would HAVE a clubhouse, that it would just be for her! She has argued with us since she got her trying to convince us that we have to tell the other kids that they have to leave her pool area. For an hour on Friday she lectured me on how the pool was closed to swimming lessons and how I needed to tell the other kids that they can't use it until she tells them she can! Other than that, she is adjusting just fine.

We walked (yes, walked) to the supermarket, Carrefour, and picked up some things. Tom had just a few things in the fridge, it was pretty bare. Natalie is not enjoying all of the walking, just a sign of how little we do that in the U.S. It was quite an experience. You have to decide what to buy based on the pictures on the packages. I don't have any of my kitchen items yet (they are in the sea and air shipments) so we just bought simple things like noodles and dumplings. We didn't have any other experiences like Tom had before, though the lines were really slow. We only spent about 430RMB or $45. Pretty cheap for how much we bought. Today we are going out to IKEA and the SuperBrands Mall to pick up a few things for the house.

We will post some pictures on the website once we have a chance to get our home organized. That may take a while! But my goal is to do it next week.

Three Days Left in the US

Natalie and I only have a few more days left here in the US. We have packed in so many activities in the last few weeks with family and friends that is doesn't feel like we are really going anywhere. It just feels like a HUGE vacation. Both Natalie and I miss Tom quite a bit now. We have been counting down the days. And it will be nice to give up the nomadic life and get into a home again.

Since we have been in Florida, we have gone to the beach only once, but Natalie has been able to swim almost every day. Unfortunately Angel's pool heater is not working and so it is chilly, but Nat doesn't seem to care! We also went to a "hands-on" museum, Great Explorations in St. Petersberg. We went to Homosassa Springs Wildlife Park up North of Tampa and watched the Manatees. We also went to Tampa Bay Downs and spent an afternoon watching the horses run and losing some money! It was the first time that Angel or Jennifer had been so it was fun to watch them bet. Friday and Saturday we just hung out at home. Natalie practically begged not to leave the house! So we let her just swim and relax. Angel gave her a Karaoke microphone so she has spent the last few days singing and performing for us outside by the pool. Quite the entertainer, though she really only has three songs in her repertoire so far: ABC's, Chantilly Lace, and Itsy Bitsy Spider. Yes, I said Chantilly Lace. Her Gammaw taught her that last week and she can sing the whole thing! She did make a new friend, Rheem (sp?), who lives in the house next door to Angel's. Natalie actually went over to their house and played with Rheem and her cousins. She was a little hesitant at first, but stuck it out and enjoyed it. I take that as a good sign for her acclimation in Shanghai.

Well, my mother leaves today for a 5 day cruise. It will be sad to say goodbye for the last time, but her friends are planning on helping her through it! I am sure that mudslides will be involved! We are heading to the Zoo this afternoon. Better get little Miss Sunshine ready for her shower this morning. Just three more days...

Happy Birthday to Me...

I am down to the last week in Dayton. The first few days of this week have been busy with the final packing. Up until 9:00 am this morning (Wednesday the 7th) I thought it was the 8th and the movers were coming! It all started with losing Sunday to a hangover! Though yesterday was my birthday, so not sure why I thought today would be the 8th! As I told my friends, I guess two days out of work, and I have lost the ability to keep track of the days already! Geesh. Well, anyway, I worked my behind off yesterday to get ready for this morning. So, now I am ready!

Speaking of my birthday. We were supposed to go out (Julie, Kim, Diane, and Diana) but it started snowing yesterday afternoon and by 4pm we had quite a mess here in Dayton. It took folks hours to get home. So I had hotdogs and popcorn last night for dinner! How exciting!!! So we rescheduled for tonight. Unfortunately now Diana is sick and Diane still has bad roads and is going to play it safe. We are going to check out a new restaurant, the Café Istanbul at the Greene. I am sure it will be good. But now it is starting to hit home that I will be leaving soon...

The Long Goodbye

I am alone now in Dayton and getting all the final details done. I had another going away party this past Saturday. It was such a good time I didn't do much on Sunday. OK, I basically did nothing. Though I did get to watch the Colts win. It is pretty sad that I watched it here at the house (with my pajamas on) and Tom set his alarm and got up early to party at the Vizcaya clubhouse! Anyway, the party was at Bill & Jeannie VanCuren's house (THANKS GUYS!) and a lot of old friends showed up. Of course, I don't mean old in the age sense. Well, actually I do! Ha ha. Beside that party I feel like I have been out every day and night since Tom left. I don't think I have bought a meal for myself in the past two weeks. Everyone here has been so great about seeing me for one last drink or meal. It hasn't been too sad yet as I keep seeing someone every day.

Natalie's last day of school was 1/28. She had a great party at the Goddard school and then another one at Pump-it-Up. I think she had a good time though she chose not risk her life (ha ha) and go down any of the slides. That's ok. We never have to worry about her injuring herself, she is more cautious than Tom! Natalie is now down in Florida with her Grandma and Grandpa Johnson in Fort Myers They have to talk her into missing me when I call. Oh well. She did tell her Papaw that she had a dream about her daddy last night. She was too embarrassed to tell me what it was about though. Just a few more weeks until we both get to see him! Apparently he has lost weight, at least that what his blogs imply. I hope I recognize him at the airport!!!

Yes! The tide is turning

Colts win!

It was a great gathering at the clubhouse for the Superbowl. Definately at pro-Indy crowd. We watched it broadcast on the China satelite broadcast on ESPN. It was a direct feed. The announcers were not the normal announcers but they did speak English. The graphics were not the same as you probably witnessed on North American TV but were probably similiar. With a direct feed you get more coverage than normal. For instance, they showed the entire halftime show. Probably back home there were doing a studio segment or something. Unfortunately the commercials were local so we didn't get to watch the infamous commercials.

Looking back on things...this might be the first time in 25 years that my team won a Championship. I think the last time was the 1985 Bears. Odd, isn't it?

SuperBowl Monday.....

Well, Monday morning at 7:00 a.m. is the Superbowl here in China. Our clubhouse is having a Superbowl party. For RMB88.00 (approximately $11 USD) you get to watch the game, a buffet breakfast, and drinks. You had to make reservations. They had so many reservations that they had to move it from the bar to the ballroom. It sounds like it will be a great time. I have a couple of American co-workers that will be coming over as my guests to watch the game - the more the merrier.

The Superbowl is a big deal over here. I think it is because the Superbowl is "America". The sport is only played in the U.S. Many people outside of the U.S. do not even understand the game. In return, the Americans over here see it as "their day". I did my routine walk today and everywhere there were a group of foreigners you would hear conversations about where people were going to watch the game.

I am taking the day off so that I can watch. I could have went to work in the afternoon but I decided to take the entire day and relax around the house. It was a very busy week travelling within China. I have so many tales to tell - more to come.

Go Colts. Go Bears (I said Go Bears so I wouldn't jinx the Colts).

Short one....

Here is a cut-and-paste of an email that I sent some of my friends. I thought it was funny so I thought I would share with everyone. The subject is "Weight loss"

The secret is food is not easy to get around here. I have no breakfast just a glass of orange juice. I only eat the slop that they serve in the cafeteria at the office. It is a big pile of steamed rice, one meat, and one vegetable. At night I go for a walk and skip eating. I am never hungry. Since there are no pop machines so I no longer have my two bottles of Mountain Dew per day. There are no fast food restaurants with drive thru windows. Even if there were I could not use them since I no longer drive. In addition, since I can't speak to my driver I couldn't tell him to pull in anyway. There are no snack machines. The other day the girls in the office got excited because someone brought snacks. Heck, I got excited. I grabbed a little bag. The bag had 14 little seeds. They were watermelon seeds. I proceeded to eat the 14 seeds. Seems like it was just 1 month ago that I used to spit watermelon seeds on the ground - now it's a treat.

I will post more over the weekend. Keep in touch. My email is Tom@bramerspace.com

Living With a Bald Man

There are things you notice about someone you live with only after you don't live with them anymore. Tom has been gone almost 4 weeks now and I have been so busy with Natalie and getting things done here, that I really haven't had too much of a chance to miss him. For example, he must not have used any dishes while living here as we have to run the dishwasher for just the two of us as often as we did for three of us. If not more often! And I am not even cooking which makes it crazier. Oh, and trash. Natalie and I have to be the trashiest people in town. We take out trash about as often as when he is here.

But, Tom has always been the one to clean up after meals and he does all the laundry. Those are two obvious areas that I have had to assume responsibility for. The only thing I have noticed about the laundry is that Tom used to laundry 2-3 times in a week and I can now get by now with two loads once a week. And he usually is the bill payer. Another thing I don't do well (timely is the problem) and I don't like doing.

The other morning in the shower, I went to use the shaving cream that Tom and I have always shared. I grabbed the can and tried to spray into my palm.l Instead of coming out into a nice fluffy mound, a stream of liquid shot across the shower and onto the glass! I did this not once, but twice. I didn't even realize that shaving cream had the potential to come out like that. I finally realized that a man who shaves his head shakes the shaving cream every day or at least every other day. A woman who lives with a bald man doesn't ever have to shake the shaving cream to shave her legs!