Repatriation - Announcing You Are Leaving

One of the harder decisions is to decide when to tell everyone you are leaving. Not too early, but not too late. And I suppose it is the same effort when we came here, except for telling family. Of course, that was a part of the decision and action as well, when to officially tell our family that we were really coming home. Before we could do that, we had to mentally get there ourselves. Tom has loved working here and would have loved to stay. Natalie did not want to talk about repatriating at all. I could go either way.


And telling people you are leaving is not the same as saying goodbye. Every notification comes with a "I'll see you again before I go" response. You know you are putting off the inevitable, but it seems right. The people you need to share your decision ranges from people at school, your ayi, your driver, your favorite bartenders. The waitress at Blue Frog who always gets the drink order wrong. The members of the Filipino bands that you think you will miss, but you won't. Lucy, who made the best clothes at the market. The fake market has it whole set of special people to visit. The shoe store where the girl is best at tracking down your size and color; Jackie, your bag guy, whose sister is still in jail due to getting caught selling fake L.V.; Juli who sold you Tommy Bahama when people still wore Tommy Bahama; Maggie who insists that paying 500RMB for a silk robe is a cheap price; DiDi and her sons who will sell you shoe bags, pashminas, scarves, and the occasional set of silk coasters; and the rest of the characters that have acted as your guides through this surrogate American Mall. Can't forget Susie and Julia. For all the jewelry I never needed. 


For me, the effort to tell people I was leaving was actually hardest of all. Because in reality, I won't be back. Most of the people I've known will disappear. Just like any other time I have changed the course of my life. However, this seems different because I have never had such a large contingent of people acting as my specially curated community. The community I built for coping and getting along in a world away from what I knew. I placed individuals and groups into this community, and though some were swept away along the journey, many have become what I used to think of as family. I look for their smiles or maybe their frowns. Their good English or their terrible Mandarin. Now most of them feel transparent to me. I tell them I am leaving and they look beyond to the next American expat who can fill the void. I am ok with that though. If this wasn't case, could I leave? Maybe not...

Dear Shanghai,
I just found out I am leaving. Don't worry, I plan on coming back. It's not goodbye, I have time yet. Just letting you know this might be the 2nd to last time you see me...
Shelly